Back into the breach
Holy crap, its been a while.
To get back in the spirit, I crank up 'Expect No Mercy', by Nazareth.
Now I'm pumped and ready to go! A return to greatness, a return to awesomeness, a return to muthafuckin WIN!
So what game is next?
Well, thats okay. I'll just need some hardass music to help me cope. it's like a stiff drink. This calls for some ZZ Top. Can't Stop Rockin', indeed.
I strap myself in and am ready to take flight on the wings of adventure. I'm hopeful, it seems that I have the ability to adjust my planes stats this go around. So, in other words, this is the deepest gameplay of all the NES games I've reviewed so far. Maybe this game will buck the trend so far and offer FUN as well?? Well, to be fair, I just REALLY sucked at the other game, so I'll see how I do this time around. My hopes aren't altogether high, tbh. But the hopes are there, taunting me like the 'next time on Heroes' trailers at the end of each episode.
My first hope? Better graphics. Not that I'm a graphic whore, but all I can recall of the last game is water, lots and lots of water. I hope wistfully that this time I get treated to more than just water and the same two enemy plane types.
I am not disappointed. This time I get water AND clouds, and three plane types.
Amazing improvements to the graphics transport you to another time
I notice something else too. I've played this game for a good 20 seconds so far, and haven't died yet. A game glitch? No. An act of god? Possibly. An easier game? Kinda. My playing skills are as bad as ever, but now, finally, thank god, I can get hit more than once before blowing up. to celebrate my new found fortune, I put on a new song, 'Escape' by Clint Mansell and slip into fantasy...
In my mind, it IS 1943, I'm a brave pilot blowing up Nazis. I have a wife and child at home to protect from the Evil Empire. They need me. America needs me. And if there is one woman besides my wife that I never let down, it's Lady Liberty. If there is one man that I refuse to let down, it's Uncle Sam. I am heading off into uncharted territory to win the war.
...And win it I shall.
Guns N Roses performing 'Chinese Democracy' should do the trick, as it has long been the unofficial Senor Lar theme song.
Well that didn't work. I just found out the downfall of multiple hits. ONE LIFE!!!! GAME OVER!!! FUUUUUCCCCKKKK YOOOUUUU!!!!
Thats right. Game Ov
I will, however, do as the game suggested, and fight bravely. I am a man after all. I must face this game once more. Or else the terrorists win.
Ah, dear reader, Lar is succeeding! I have actually gotten far enough into the game to get a powerup. Finally. So for a little while, my plane has a spreading shot that attacks roughly half the screen. Watch out Hitler, you fuck.
Now usually, this is where I make a faux humorous comment about getting destroyed about 5 seconds after getting blown up. But not this time. I decided to take a different route this time. I started kicking ass instead.
And... OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! I PASSED THE FIRST STAGE!!!!!!!
Now I prepare to be greeted by the new and amazing visual feast that I am sure be treated to in the next stage...
I'm flying over water, BUT with a lighter blue tone. Oh hells yes.
It doesn't get any better than this! no, really...
Shit is about to get epic.
After a few minutes, I realize that I am STILL alive. I have face down the laws of probability and smirked. I can tell when the screen goes dark, and the the water... gets... DARKER, that I have the gift of prophesy. It looks like things will indeed, get epic.
I am about to fight the first boss battle I've ever fought since I've been doing these reviews, and I want to make this count for something.
This will be an epic battle.
This is my defining moment.
I just got blown up.
FUCK THIS GODDAMN GAME!!!
Total playtime: About 3 minutes, give or take.
The aforementioned epic shit